Fixed #17485 -- Made defer work with select_related

This commit tackles a couple of issues. First, in certain cases there
were some mixups if field.attname or field.name should be deferred.
Field.attname is now always used.

Another issue tackled is a case where field is both deferred by
.only(), and selected by select_related. This case is now an error.

A lot of thanks to koniiiik (Michal Petrucha) for the patch, and
to Andrei Antoukh for review.